The “Big Three” (Stealing, Lying, & Explosive Rage)

The Big Three: Stealing, Lying, and Explosive Rage

When foster and adoptive parents talk about the behaviors that they just don’t understand, these “big three” usually bubble to the top of the list: stealing, lying, and rage. Why do our kids steal, even little things that have no meaning or value? And yes, every child will fib sometimes, but lying about anything and everything – even things for which there would be little to no negative consequence for telling the truth?… That’s something that can be hard for parents to make sense of.

But explosive rage: that’s maybe the biggest of the Big Three. Your day is going along just fine, nothing out of the ordinary, and then seemingly out of nowhere, rage fills the space you and your child are occupying. It may be a completely outsized reaction to whatever situation is at hand. Why does this seem to happen so often? Are there parenting techniques we should try…and just as importantly, are there ones we should avoid? How do we get ourselves and our family back to some semblance of calm?

The “Big Three” behaviors are not uncommon for trauma kids, and you’re not the only parent trying to navigate them – so take heart! The root cause of the behaviors will vary based on the child – but in all cases, we have to understand the behaviors as their attempt to communicate something to us. If we understand actions as language, then we can focus on interpreting what our kids are trying to tell us. Join us for a time of education and support as we delve into each of these “Big Three” – it will be a conversation any parent can benefit from!