Family Forum: Changing Our Approach When Our Kids Can’t

Changing Our Approach When Our Kids Can’t Change

We’ve all been there: the standoff between a parent and child. The parent sets expectations or provides direction. The child responds with “Why?” The parent responds, “Because I’m the parent, that’s why!” And then… it’s all downhill from there. (Maybe you’ve been there from the parent view, maybe the child, maybe both!) A battle of the wills ensues, everyone is mad, and even if the direction is eventually followed or the expectations are met, it feels like an empty “win.” 

Have you ever heard that expression, “When you get furious, get curious?” That’s what we’re going to be tackling in this family forum. Parents get upset – maybe not furious, but frustrated, certainly – because their children won’t follow the laid-out structure, directions, or expectations. But maybe it’s not that they won’t. Maybe it’s that the foster or adopted child can’t.

We’ll talk about how we can shift our perspective, so we’re less furious and far more curious — looking to answer the question “Why can’t this child change their behavior?” And then we’ll dig into what that looks like, from a practical perspective. Only once we get curious and answer the why can we figure out how to adjust our own approach to avoid the meltdowns and standoffs that can make family life so draining.